I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
