speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
