WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
