I smell stomach acid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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