Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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