I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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