If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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