genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
