she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
