I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
