allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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