oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
