apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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