woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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