Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
