I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
