I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
