I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Michael Bay diarrhea
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
