they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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