According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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