so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
