Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's the barista slut.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
