We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
