By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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