I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I intend to get homeless drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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