Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
