ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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