Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
