the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
