dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
