dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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