He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
