She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i came on her dog
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
