Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
