apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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