K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
