he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
