There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is my gift to your gina
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
