Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
