She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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