Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
