I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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