sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
