That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
