Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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