Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
