Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
