Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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