She is in my trunk
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
