I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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