just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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