I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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