highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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