He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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