I love black thongs
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
