take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
