i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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