Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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