We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
