Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
